Chapter Twenty Five - Rick's Self Confession
Rick awoke to Glenn’s soft snoring as he slept in my arms. He thought to himself,
“I have never felt so much love for another human being before. Even when I was dating Angie, I never felt so content and at peace. I hadn’t been sure I was ready to have a relationship with anyone when I met Glenn let alone a relationship with a guy. I have spent the last few years trying to take out all the anger and hurt I still feel about what Angie did to me on every woman I meet.
I guess that’s why I have never had another relationship with a girl. I have truly hated women for some time now. It made me feel better using them as Angie had used me. But after a few brief moments of feeling avenged, I would feel empty and totally alone despite having a woman sleeping by my side.
I was feeling that way when I got up the morning I first saw Glenn. I remember seeing the lust in his eyes as he looked over my naked body, devouring every detail. It made me shiver, at first, seeing the hunger in his eyes. My first instinct was to satisfy that lust and use him, just as I did all the women I had taken to bed over the years.
They all have had the same lustful look in their eyes the first time they see me naked. Just like Angie did the first time we had sex. That look always brought back the anger and hurt I felt towards her and I would take out my frustrations on whoever I was with that night. They all loved the roughness of the sex and always wanted more. There was even a time or two when one of them reminded me so much of Angie I quite literally ran to the bathroom and puked my guts out from the revulsion I felt.
Much to my own amazement, I managed to shake Glenn’s hand that morning and continued on into the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and committed to myself I would have sex with Glenn and then leave him. I figured I could get him into my bed fairly quickly. I had seen that same hungry look on so many women’s faces. I knew just how to work it to get them to jump in bed with me, so I was pretty confident that it would work with Glenn as well.
Starting right at that moment, I set out to accomplish my goal. I played up to Glenn and made sure he saw me naked as much as possible. I knew I had him after Keith left us together at the swimming pool. We swam together and he kept looking over at my package that was so clearly defined in the skin tight Speedo swim suit I was wearing. I made sure to brush up against Glenn in the pool as we raced from one side to the other.
As we sunned ourselves, I flirted with him and watched him begin to open up to me. I was like a shark circling its prey. I knew it was only a matter of time and I would have my way with Glenn and he would be begging me for more. When I suggested we return to the apartment, I made sure to put my hand on his ass and give it a good squeeze. He didn’t move away but moved closer to me. His reaction to me worked on my senses just like blood in the water does to hungry sharks. I could smell the chlorine on his skin and the firmness of his ass cheek under my hand just added to the sensory overload I was experiencing at that moment.
As we entered the apartment, I thought I should give him some space before moving in for the final kill. I wanted Glenn to surrender completely to me and my plan to seduce him was working perfectly. I went to my room and sat on the bed planning my next move when I heard Glenn talking on the phone. I stepped out into the kitchen and stood silently listening behind him as he told his Uncle Dave about what his boyfriend, Ian, had done to him. As I heard him break down and begin sobbing uncontrollably, my heart softened towards him and I knew I couldn’t carry out my plans to seduce him and hurt him, again. The more I listened to Glenn’s conversation, the more I realized he was hurting inside in much the same way I was. That’s when I decided I needed to reach out and help him heal from the hurt he felt and maybe heal the hurt inside of me at the same time.
So as he came inside from our balcony, I asked him to tell me all about Ian. As Glenn started to tell me, he completely lost it, again. Seeing how busted up Glenn was over Ian really pulled at my heart strings and I pulled him into my arms and tried to comfort him. I have never felt such a strong urge to protect someone as I did at that moment. Just remembering the emotions I felt brought tears to my eyes.”
Rick’s reverie was broken when he felt Glenn’s fingers touch his face.
I wiped away Rick’s tears and asked, “Why are you crying?”
“I was just remembering how I felt the first time I took you in my arms to comfort you and take away all the hurt in your life,” Rick said, smiling and blinking away his tears. “I have never felt such urge to love and protect someone before. Just the memory of that moment still brings tears to my eyes.”
“I hope I don’t make you cry every time you think of me,” I said, trying to lighten the mood as Rick caressed my cheek. His touch on my skin was having an electrifying effect on me.
“When I think of you, I just want to hold you in my arms and make passionate love to you!” Rick exclaimed, grinning from ear-to-ear.
“So when are you going to do that my handsome lover?” I asked as I ran my hands over his bare chest.
Rick didn’t need much encouragement to give me what I wanted since he wanted it as much as I did. He took his time gently giving me every sensuous pleasure he could provide me. I knew my love for him flowed from every fiber of my being into his, as we gave ourselves over completely to each other. After exhausting our passion for each other, Rick pulled me into the shower with him. My second most favorite place to be with Rick is in the shower. We ran out of hot water, again! We are going to have to ask the apartment management for a larger water heater! We finished cleaning and up and Rick made us breakfast.
“Thank you for making breakfast, Rick,” I said, as he put his dishes in the sink. “I’ll wash up the dishes, okay.”
“Sure. While you are doing that, I will get the scales set up in the bathroom. I still want to know how much 53 kilos is in normal terms!” Rick said, laughing as I started to correct him, again, about metric measures being the world norm.
Rick unboxed the bathroom scales and read the directions for use. They were pretty simple. Sit the thing on the floor and adjust the scale to zero. Rick did that and stepped on the scales to see how much he weighed – 183 pounds. That hadn’t changed since he joined the marines. The scales must be pretty accurate.
“Hey, Glenn, come in here for minute, please,” Rick said.
I enter the bathroom and looked at Rick with a questioning look on my face. He pointed to the scales. “Go ahead. Let’s see how much you weigh.”
I stepped onto the scales. “It says I weigh 117 pounds. I’ve never needed to know how much I weighed in pounds before. So, are you going to measure my height, too?”
“Sure, stand up straight against the wall while I use the measuring tape.”
Rick took the measuring tape and measured my height reading out the measurement, “You are 5’8” tall. I’m 6’2” tall.”
“So how many centimeters is that?” I asked.
Rick pulled out the measuring tape out to 6’2” and looked at the centimeters marked on it, “I’m 188 centimeters tall.”
“Just the right height for me,” I said and put my arms around him and brought my lips to his for a quick kiss before I returned to the kitchen.
“By the way, how much is 183 pounds in kilos?” I asked.
“I don’t know but I can look it up on the internet while you finish washing the dishes,” Rick replied.
Rick went to his room and clicked on Google and typed “convert pounds to kilos.” He clicked on the link that took him to a converter dialog box and entered 183 pounds and clicked on the convert button.
“I weigh 83 kilos,” Rick said to me, as he returned to the kitchen. “Now we know both kilos and pounds. I never learned the metric conversions in school. I’ve used metric tools in shop working on cars, but I just kept trying different size tools until I found the one that fit.”
I finished drying the dishes and putting them away in the cupboards. “I’m the same way with pounds and inches. I memorized the conversion formula for a math test once but I promptly forgot it as soon as the test was over,” I said. “I never was very good at math so I try to stay away from it as much as possible.”
“It was the same with me,” Rick said. “Let’s take the Corvette for a spin. I haven’t had it out for a while.”
“Great! I’ve wanted to ride in it since you showed it to me. But can I drive it?” I asked hesitantly. “I know that’s a lot to ask since it’s your pride and joy.”
“Okay, you can drive it but just this once,” Rick said, a little anxiously. “But you have to promise to be careful with her.”
“Her? Does the car have a name?” I asked with surprise.
“Yes, her name is Missy. I named her when I bought her from an old guy in town who wanted to unload her. I didn’t pay much since the car was in such bad shape. I’m kind of attached to her after putting so much time and effort into fixing her up”
We spent the rest of the day driving around Atlanta.
“Why did you paint your car red?” I asked, anticipating the answer.
“I love how peoples’ heads turn when they see my car. I intentionally painted her red so people would notice, especially the girls. I’ve attracted many a cute chick pulling up to a dance club in my red Corvette!” Rick smiled, as he remembered how the girls reacted to him and his car. Rick looked over at Glenn and saw he was smiling as well.
“You like Missy as much as I do, don’t you?” Rick asked.
“Yes, I do!” I responded.
The next week seemed like a honeymoon for us. We spent our days swimming in the pool and otherwise relaxing in the apartment. The evenings were filled with intimate conversation and the filling of our senses with each other. We learned the power of sight, touch, smell and taste in exciting the passions of the human soul. It was a magical time for us.
As we began our second week together, Rick was sitting at the kitchen table, watching me cook breakfast. He loves the sight of me in my skin-tight black bikini briefs. He’s always asking me to wear them!
I turned towards Rick with a broad smile, “What you looking at, Babe?”
“Breakfast!” he said, “Both kinds!” as he kissed me lightly on the lips and slipped his hands down the back of my briefs.
“You’ll have to eat the eggs and bacon first, then we’ll see if you’ve been a good boy before you get to have a second breakfast!” I said, laughing as he pulled his hands out of my briefs. “You know how I hate cold eggs and bacon!”
I retrieved the eggs and bacon from the kitchen counter and Rick brought the toast as we sat down together at the table.
I reached for Rick’s hands and said grace. “God, we thank thee for this food we are about to partake of and for the love and friendship that we share, Amen.”
As we started eating, Rick asked, “Why do you always say grace at every meal?”
“Because everything we have comes from God,” I responded.
“Do you think He cares about us?” Rick asked. This was a new subject for us and I was a little nervous talking about religion with him
“I know He loves us very much and wants us to be happy,” I said, looking Rick in the eyes.
“But why does He allow bad things to happen to us? If He loves us so much, wouldn’t He stop all the bad things from happening?”
”My parents always taught me God gave us the right to choose for ourselves. That is a huge gift the evil one wants to take away from us. If God stopped the bad things from happening, He would take away the right for us to choose. How can we learn the difference between good from evil, if we were forced to do everything right and there was never any pain or suffering to help us to learn to choose the better way of our own free will and choice,” I said.
“I’ve never thought about it that way. I’ve been angry at God for so long. When Angie’s brothers beat me up so badly, I was angry not only at her and her family but at God as well. Why did I have to suffer so much? I admit Angie and I should have been more careful. I wanted to marry her but she wanted nothing to do with me when she found out she was pregnant. She said she hated me and never wanted to see me, again. Glenn you don’t know how much that hurt me!” Rick’s voiced quavered with the force of his emotions.
I reached across the table to wipe the tears from his cheeks, “It’s okay, sweetheart. It’s only natural to be hurt and angry, but we have to learn to move through hurt and anger to a better place. Sometimes when we can’t do it by ourselves we need to seek help from those around us and from God, himself. Just think about it! When I needed comfort, you were there to put your arms around me and you just held me. Now it’s my turn to put my arms around you and just hold you.”
I got up from the table and took Rick by the hand and led him back into our bedroom. I gently pushed him down on the bed and climbed in beside him, wrapping my arms around him. I felt his warmth against my skin as I tried to communicate my love for him by pressing myself as close to him as possible. I looked deep into his eyes so as to penetrate deep inside his soul to help him bring down the walls he had built around himself. The expression in his eyes showed the years of the pent up emotions that started to flood his mind as his inner defenses started to crumble and he started to tremble in my arms.
“It’s okay, Rick. Just let your feelings come out. I’m here to help you,” I whispered as I brushed the hair out of his eyes.
The tenderness of my touch caused what little control Rick had left to evaporate and the tears started flowing. Rick clung to me as if I were a life preserver thrown out to save a drowning victim. Sometime later, Rick’s tears dried up and he was able to speak, again.
“I just want the anger and the hurt to go away. I have felt so alone for so long. I have good friends like your cousin, Keith, but I still feel very much alone. This past week has made me realize just how lonely I really was. Now, maybe I can put the past behind me and begin the healing process. I want to be the best man I can be for you. Will you help me achieve that goal?” Rick asked me, his voice betraying the extreme vulnerability he was feeling by opening up to me.
“You know I will, sweetheart. I love you, remember?” I kissed him passionately and held him very close to me.
I wanted this moment to last forever. It was like our hearts and minds became one and our bodies shared that unity, not in sensual way, but like a knitting of our souls together. It was like another puzzle piece had snapped into place in my mind allowing another one of the walls around my heart to crumble to the ground.
Rick said, in a voice full of emotion, “Your love for me has allowed you to slip past so many of my self-defense mechanisms. In the deepest part of my being, I sat inside a very dark room with very little hope, scared to come out for fear of being hurt, again. Your love for me is like a 100-watt light bulb being suddenly turned on, blinding me with its brilliance and warmth. I will be forever grateful to you for opening your heart to me.”